Remembering Paula

The morning Paula passed away, Eric saw a butterfly land on his window at work.  She had been fighting breast cancer for over 10 years so she had prepared all her funeral music. One of the songs was "I'll fly away".When it played tears flowed because the song was so apt. She passed away early in the morning just like the song said. we knew it wasn't a coincidence that Eric had seen that butterfly that morning.  We love you and miss you Paula!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1BPoMIQHwpo


October 15th

Remembering our 3 angels in heaven

Venting

Tomorrow will be 2 years that my sister-in-law Paula passed away. Not one day goes by where I don't think of  her. She had such a positive attitude. Even though she had stage 4 cancer and the doctors said she didn't have much time left. Paula had faith and her faith and God gave her several more years.  I wish I had her positiveness.  Today is one of those days where I feel sad and no matter what I do to keep busy I cannot stop the tears.  I am 9 dpo so I'll just blame it on hormones!  I got a smiley face on CD 12 and ovulated CD 14 which is early for me. Fingers crossed!

When Eric and I go out I sometimes let my mind wander and think of our 3 babies in heaven. I can imagine them there with us. The first one we lost would have been 3 years old next month :( The second, a boy would have been born next month. I should still be pregnant with a baby girl due January 26th 2014. I know I need to stop thinking negatively, but some days it is easier said then done...

I finished the baby crochet blanket I started during my last pregnancy in May.  I am not giving up hope.  My Mother in law said that Eric and I should just enjoy life together and not think about getting pregnant anymore. I asked her if she had the same opinion as my Mom. She said yes. She feels that since I miscarried 3 times that it will happen again.  Knowing this I know that when I get pregnant again we have to keep it a secret...

Karyotype results

Our karyotypes came back normal for both Eric and me.  While waiting on the results I had convinced myself I must have translocations since my parents were over 40 when I was conceived. The genetic councellor said that the next pregnancy could be perfectly normal and not to be scared of  trying again.  She said the last 3 miscarriages were just bad luck. I am so ready for our luck to turn around!

The long list of Repeat pregnancy loss bloodwork also came back negative for everything. Homocysteinene levels were normal, Factor V Leiden, Prothrombin)Protein C Panel (Free Antigen Functioning), Antithrombin Activity. All negative.  I also had a mammogram screening last friday since this time last year I had to have 7 calcifications biopsied. Everything was fine this time. Yay! On the 20th July I was still getting a faint positive on pregnancy test but by 22nd it was finally negative and I got AF.  I just got a positive opk today Cd 16. So ready to try again!

Looking for answers

Eric and I went to the genetics councellor on July 15th.  In their opinion, they didn't think it was necessary for us to be karyotyped because the chromosome analysis of our last 2 losses were tetraploidy (boy) and Trisomy 16 (girl).  They explained that neither of these are caused by translocations.  I still asked for both of us to be tested because I had a natural miscarriage 3 years ago and that wasn't analyzed.  Who knows what chromosome abnormality that fetus had.  So we are waiting for results from our karyotypes.  If all is well we want to have CGH ( like FISH but more advanced as it tests all 23 chromosomes)

Trisomy 16

July 28th we decided to go to the RE to ask him for Repeat pregnancy loss testing. The high risk Ob had done some RPL testing after my second loss in March but she said everything was fine.  Good thing I asked for a print out of my labs because I found out that I tested positive heterozygous for MTHFR C677T.  She said that it is a problem when you are homozygous for the gene. I did some research and found out that the MTHFR gene affects how our bodies process B vitamins wether you are homozygous or heterozygous.
A healthy MTHFR gene is responsible for converting folic acid into Methylfolate (the ‘active element’ form of Folate that your body uses).This conversion from folic acid to Methylfolate is a 4-step process, but if someone has an MTHFR genetic defect, then the enzyme transformation between steps 3 and 4 is mutated which causes many health problems.  
Mutation 677 – Heart disease, heart attack, Stroke, Blood clots, Peripheral neuropathy, Anemia, Miscarriages, Congenital birth defects, fibromyalgia.
symptoms of toxin build up may be linked to one or both of the MTHFR defects - nausea, diarrhea, abdominal pain, liver and kidney dysfunction, tachycardia, pulmonary fibrosis, asthma, immune problems, hair loss.

Well I have had 3 miscarriages, I have fibromyalgia, have had kidney stones and allergy induced asthma, hair loss (since I was 20), pain in my hands and an elevated ANA which signals some kind of auto-immune issue though the rheumatologist is not sure what.

So bottom line my body cannot process the  folic acid in my prenatals!  I wish I had known this sooner.  July 5th I started taking special prenatals that have Methlfolate (B-9) and Methylcobalamin (B-12)

The RE tested my homocysteine levels. He said IF they are elevated I will have to be on blood thinners when I get pregnant again. He was baffled as to how I got pregnant "spontaneously" twice in 3 months. I laughed when he tried to take credit by saying maybe the fertility treatment I had ( a year ago ) had caused me to get pregnant.. Well if it helps his ego after he told me it was impossible for us to conceive naturally then fine, he can believe that! I just want some answers! All I know is that after ivf my bbt charts were all crazy and they didnt go back to normal till almost a year of acupuncture treatments!!

Our Rainbow baby slips away again :(

   We saw our baby's heartbeat for the last time on 17th June :(  Eric nicknamed our baby lightening bug since that is what he/she looked like on the u/s with a flickering heartbeat.Today I had another u/s because doctor was concerned about slow growth. Eric and I were so sad not to see our baby's heart beating. I don't know why this has happened a third time. This was supposed to be third time's the charm! :(  I need some answers. I still feel very pregnant. Morning sickness and sore breasts. It sucks to feel pregnant and know that baby is gone :(  This song by Casting Crowns applies to us and I listen to it remind myself to have faith and praise God who gives and takes away.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGPS8sa-bRQ

Heartbeat!!

   Alot has happened in the last week.  I started having nausea and vomitting. So much for it being called morning sickness, but mine starts in the afternoon. I think acid reflux made it worse. Vomitting actually helped me feel better. It's just a constant queasy feeling I have now.

 Yesterday was my first ultrasound. The sonographer pulled the machine forward so I couldnt see. She said that would turn it back to let me see when she was done.  Maybe my Ob told her to do that since I have had previous miscarriages? That's the first time that has happened at that place. It seemed to take forever while I prayed the Our Father asking God to guide her hands so she would find our baby. Finally she said there it is! We saw the tiny 2mm fetal pole and a steady flickering. 109 bpm. She said I am measuring 6 weeks 2 days. This is a week behind my lmp but I know I ovulated late, like cd 17 so I am hoping the little bean catches up.. With the 2 miscarried pregnancies we never got to see our baby's heart beating before because it had stopped by the time I had an u/s at 10 weeks. What an amazing feeling to see the life inside me on that screen! Eric decided to name him/ her "Firefly".  I think it is a girl due to my early morning sickness and stronger than usual pregnancy symptoms. I have been crocheting a yellow and white shell stitch baby blanket. God is great!! :)

Third beta

On Friday May 31st I had another beta drawn at my own request.  I had been having period-like cramping for 3 days and this made me worry. I know God is working his magic and I should leave it all up to Him. However, I just can't help worrying after having two previous miscarriages. I also didn't have any pregnancy symptoms whatsoever. The ob phoned me on June 3rd to give me the good news.  My beta numbers were now at 5,401! They are still doubling every 37 hours. She said that these numbers were very good at 5 weeks 5 days. I was so relieved!!

Today I am 6 weeks 3 days and feeling some pregnancy symptoms like sore breasts and slight nausea in the morning when I first wake up. Waking up twice during the night to pee. Praying and patiently waiting for the ultrasound on June 11th and that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow...a heartbeat