Our Rainbow baby slips away again :(

   We saw our baby's heartbeat for the last time on 17th June :(  Eric nicknamed our baby lightening bug since that is what he/she looked like on the u/s with a flickering heartbeat.Today I had another u/s because doctor was concerned about slow growth. Eric and I were so sad not to see our baby's heart beating. I don't know why this has happened a third time. This was supposed to be third time's the charm! :(  I need some answers. I still feel very pregnant. Morning sickness and sore breasts. It sucks to feel pregnant and know that baby is gone :(  This song by Casting Crowns applies to us and I listen to it remind myself to have faith and praise God who gives and takes away.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGPS8sa-bRQ

Heartbeat!!

   Alot has happened in the last week.  I started having nausea and vomitting. So much for it being called morning sickness, but mine starts in the afternoon. I think acid reflux made it worse. Vomitting actually helped me feel better. It's just a constant queasy feeling I have now.

 Yesterday was my first ultrasound. The sonographer pulled the machine forward so I couldnt see. She said that would turn it back to let me see when she was done.  Maybe my Ob told her to do that since I have had previous miscarriages? That's the first time that has happened at that place. It seemed to take forever while I prayed the Our Father asking God to guide her hands so she would find our baby. Finally she said there it is! We saw the tiny 2mm fetal pole and a steady flickering. 109 bpm. She said I am measuring 6 weeks 2 days. This is a week behind my lmp but I know I ovulated late, like cd 17 so I am hoping the little bean catches up.. With the 2 miscarried pregnancies we never got to see our baby's heart beating before because it had stopped by the time I had an u/s at 10 weeks. What an amazing feeling to see the life inside me on that screen! Eric decided to name him/ her "Firefly".  I think it is a girl due to my early morning sickness and stronger than usual pregnancy symptoms. I have been crocheting a yellow and white shell stitch baby blanket. God is great!! :)

Third beta

On Friday May 31st I had another beta drawn at my own request.  I had been having period-like cramping for 3 days and this made me worry. I know God is working his magic and I should leave it all up to Him. However, I just can't help worrying after having two previous miscarriages. I also didn't have any pregnancy symptoms whatsoever. The ob phoned me on June 3rd to give me the good news.  My beta numbers were now at 5,401! They are still doubling every 37 hours. She said that these numbers were very good at 5 weeks 5 days. I was so relieved!!

Today I am 6 weeks 3 days and feeling some pregnancy symptoms like sore breasts and slight nausea in the morning when I first wake up. Waking up twice during the night to pee. Praying and patiently waiting for the ultrasound on June 11th and that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow...a heartbeat

Second beta

Ob phoned me with good news. Second beta on 26th June was 244 so it doubled after 38 hours. Ultrasound is on the 11th June! With God All things are possible!

My hpts 13 dpo and then 18 dpo. The test line is darker than the control line now :)

First Beta

Yesterday I had my first beta.  I was pleasantly surprised when I phoned my OB and she said that she wanted to send me for 2 betas 48 hours apart to see if the numbers are doubling correctly.  At 3 pm nurse called me with beta number..100! :) I am happy :) I will be going for another blood test tomorrow. Monday is Memorial day so I will have to wait until Tuesday for the result. Praying that the number doubles again!

BFP!

         This morning Eric left at 5:45 am because he had to go to the data center to fix something.  It has been raining every day and my hands have been hurting so much. I realized when I got up that my breasts were sore too! So I did an hpt and I put the timer on.  After 2 mins I saw a second line!!!!  I have been bawling my eyes out all morning and praying please let this be a healthy baby!  Yesterday was exactly 8 weeks since my d & c. Thinking back to 2 weeks ago! I remember we only bd'd once that week because Eric was so exhausted from work. The 7th! So the 7th or 8th must have been O day!  I do remember having lots of EWCM around that time but no ovulation cramps. This would make me 13 dpo. I made a card for Eric. I drew an ovum and sperm high fiving eachother :) lol  He is always high fiving me so I knew he would love it ! Inside I wrote this bible verse:

  ²⁰ "See, I am sending an angel ahead of you to guard you along the way and to bring you to the place I have prepared. ... ²⁵ Worship the LORD your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you, ²⁶ and none will miscarry or be barren in your land. I will give you a full life span." Exodus 23:20-26

I put the card in the mailbox because he always checks it as soon as he gets home. I tried to film his reaction through the window blinds but he saw me.  He asked what are you doing and just stood there so I continued filming and opened the door. He opened the mailbox as if something would jump out at him, When he saw the card e looked at me and smiled and said "nuh-uh" I replied "uh-huh",started to cry and gave him a kiss. With God all things are possible! Praying for a Rainbow :)

No miracle at the end of the rainbow

Well this isn't going to be our miracle baby :(  sonogram showed that this isn't a viable pregnancy. Eric and I are very sad since we know it is probably our last chance conceiving naturally since I will be 42 soon 

I have a subchorionic hemorrhage in my uterus under the gestational sac. The sonogram tech also found 2 cm fibroid which they didn't see last time but she said the pregnancy hormones could have made it grow over the last several weeks. She said it's not the same kind of fibroid as I had 3 years ago with last miscarriage. That one was protruding into the uterus while this one is not and could go away on it's own.  

I will be going to OBGYN on Monday and we will discuss further if a d &c needs to be done. I really was praying that I would never have to go through another miscarriage. It has been the worst thing I have had every had to go through. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGPS8sa-bRQ&feature=share

*Update- I had my d & c on March 25th. On May 6th I had a follow-up appointment with Ob to discuss the results of the chromosome testing done.  The OB explained that my pregnancy was not caused by the age of my eggs. It was a tetraploidy 92 XXYY(male). She has never seen this before and the cytogeneticist said it is quite rare. 1-2% occurrence. There were 4 sets of chromosomes! I did some research and this is how it happens; A one-cell embryo (with 46 chromosomes = 23 paternal + 23 maternal) should divide into two cells with 46 chromosomes each. The chromosomes have to duplicate first. However,  if the division fails,  the new cell will have 92 chromosomes (instead of the normal 46 XY)