Saturday, September 14, 2013

Remembering Paula

The morning Paula passed away, Eric saw a butterfly land on his window at work.  She had been fighting breast cancer for over 10 years so she had prepared all her funeral music. One of the songs was "I'll fly away".When it played tears flowed because the song was so apt. She passed away early in the morning just like the song said. we knew it wasn't a coincidence that Eric had seen that butterfly that morning.  We love you and miss you Paula!

October 15th

Remembering our 3 angels in heaven

Friday, September 13, 2013


Tomorrow will be 2 years that my sister-in-law Paula passed away. Not one day goes by where I don't think of  her. She had such a positive attitude. Even though she had stage 4 cancer and the doctors said she didn't have much time left. Paula had faith and her faith and God gave her several more years.  I wish I had her positiveness.  Today is one of those days where I feel sad and no matter what I do to keep busy I cannot stop the tears.  I am 9 dpo so I'll just blame it on hormones!  I got a smiley face on CD 12 and ovulated CD 14 which is early for me. Fingers crossed!

When Eric and I go out I sometimes let my mind wander and think of our 3 babies in heaven. I can imagine them there with us. The first one we lost would have been 3 years old next month :( The second, a boy would have been born next month. I should still be pregnant with a baby girl due January 26th 2014. I know I need to stop thinking negatively, but some days it is easier said then done...

I finished the baby crochet blanket I started during my last pregnancy in May.  I am not giving up hope.  My Mother in law said that Eric and I should just enjoy life together and not think about getting pregnant anymore. I asked her if she had the same opinion as my Mom. She said yes. She feels that since I miscarried 3 times that it will happen again.  Knowing this I know that when I get pregnant again we have to keep it a secret...