Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved

Until we tried to have a baby, I pretty much believed that if you want something badly enough in life, you can make it happen. If I didn’t get the job I wanted, I’d just shrug off the rejection and apply for another. If I didn't like where I was living, I'd move.  I've always believed that we choose our own destiny.  I dislike the phrase "It just isn't meant to be". With enough determination and perseverence we can make all our dreams come true. Being in control makes us feel safe. Sometimes when we want something so badly, this control can become obsessive. We will try everything to make it happen. Now, 8 miscarriages and several failed IVF cycles later, the reality has hit me, that some things in our lives we just have no control over. Mainly, life and death. My Reproductive endocrinologist finally admitted that he doesn't know the reason why I keep having losses. He said we may never find the answer as to why. A few years ago, he thought he had an answer. Abnormal chromosomes. He told us that this is usually the case with RPL. I'd had 3 miscarriages from spontaneous conceptions (2 confirmed aneuploid ) and I was afraid of having more. So we embarked on a donor egg program. Excellent grade embryos. I miscarried again. No heartbeat at 8 1/2 weeks. So we had our remaining frozen embryos pre-genetically screened (PGS). One was aneuploid. Ah, maybe there was our answer! We now had three normal embryos. While we were waiting 4 months for the results, I had gotten spontaneously pregnant again and miscarried. Let's not try naturally anymore my Dh and I decided. Crazy, as much as we wanted to have a child, we were now preventing pregnancy. 3 FET's in 2015 resulted in Two chemical pregnanices and a BFN. 
We are still left wondering, why did this happen? There is a reason, but even if we knew what that reason was, it wouldn't guarantee success. Because we just aren't in control of life..and we aren't in control of death either.



Tuesday, December 15, 2015

BFN

RE phoned me himself to tell me that my beta was negative. He said he doesn't believe my thyroid levels are the issue because although my Free T4 is on the high end of normal at 1.8. He said he would be willing to order the allo-immue testing through Dr Braverman, but he cannot sign the form on his website and doesn't understand why Dr B insists on having his name tied to the clinic's. So I am on my own for getting the immune testing done. Dr Hamersley has ordered the immunology testing for a lady I know. However, the extensive immune panel costs $7,500 which includes Dr B's interpretation. It is not a bad price if we were cycling with his clinic but we are not. Re asked if there should be an allo-immune issue how would Dr B treat it. Possibly intralipids or Ivig, depending on what the immune issue is. My clinic is unwilling to prescribe either of these. Since he had no suggestion as to the next step I suggested maybe donated embryos or donor sperm &egg might work. He then told me that they are starting a donor embryo donation program soon due to the high demand. I will have to talk to the financial councellor and see if we can get a partial refund from the Donor egg program to use towards the Embryo donation program. 
When your RE says there is nothing more that can be done and he suggest a gestational carrier and you are financially drained and know that is not an option.  I just can't explain the feeling of total hopelessness. He said he wished he knew the reason why I keep losing PGS normal embryos but is totally at a loss. We could have transfered more than one embryo at a time and we would have been on cycle #3 by now. But we did eSET each time and that is why it took us almost 2 years to use up our embryos. Why is it always my fault? First bad eggs and now my immune system? Doesn't seem fair. In my defense, Dh said it could be his sperm. RE argued that icsi fixes any issues with sperm morphology. Or perhaps our donor's eggs? After she cycled for us, she was taken out of their database and her eggs were sent to a frozen egg bank. This usually means there were no live births from her eggs.  I asked on several occasions if he could find out this info but he just replied that her after eggs were sent to the egg bank there is no way he could find out any info on her. Makes me wary of choosing another Egg donor.  After our phone conversation, RE wrote me an email saying he would still like to do everything within his power to help us and to keep in mind the Embryo donation program. For the first time since we have been on this journey, I feel like Dh and I have come to the end of the road.

Monday, December 14, 2015

10dp5dt- Thwarted by my thyroid again!


It took a whole week to get my thyroid levels back! Endocrinologist said my TSH jumped from 1.6 before  I started estradiol to 3.2. That was a week ago, so it's probably even higher now! She had doubled my synthroid to 50 mcg but it didn't make much difference since last FET my TSH had jumped to 3.8 when I had the chemical pregnancy. My Thyroid levels were perfect before the stupid estrogen. IVF just isn't for me. When I get pregnant naturally I have abnormal chromosomes.  Can't win. Beyond frustrated! Beta is tomorrow but I know it's going to be negative.

Thursday, December 10, 2015

6dp5dt

Transfer was at 2:45pm on Friday so it hasn't been quite 6 days since transfer, but I got a squinter on an IC with FMU at 7am. The lack of symptoms is worrying me. I usually have sore veiny breasts and white CM by now. This time nothing. I felt sharp implantation cramps on the morning of 4dpt, so holding on to hope for that and the faint hpt. It was darker last FET at this point. The 2ww is a killer with this being our last embryo.  Praying.



Friday, December 4, 2015

Transfer day

My transfer was supposed to be at 1:30pm, but due to scheduling mix up because someone having a surgical procedure wasn't told they had to have a full bladder,my transfer was delayed till 2:45! Ironically, I was sitting there with a full bladder from 12;30 -2:40 while we waited for the other patient to fill up hers. I have had lots of procedures so I empathized, when they were asking what her pain was on a scale of 1-10 and she said 9. Eric kept my mind occupied by telling me jokes and being my loveable goofball.  At least I managed not to pee on the doctor. Our transfers have always been on Mondays and this was a Friday so hopefully that change will be a good thing. The biggest change is this was a Natural versus medicated cycle. Here are pics of us at the clinic and our hatching blastocyst. Our last PGS normal embryo. Praying this is the one.



Thursday, December 3, 2015

FET CD 20- Final lining check

My RE was pleased with my u/s this morning and said he recommends we go ahead and transfer tomorrow at 1:30 pm. The thinnest measurement he got for my lining was 8.8mm and 12mm in the thicker area. I asked if that could be due to the adenomyosis, but he said he didn't see any muscle thickening or evidence of that like he saw cycle day 21 last month. I had prepared myself for bad news so it was a nice surprise.

Friday, November 27, 2015

FET CD 14- Ovulated on my own

Something weird is going on with my lining.  The nurse practitioner who measured it yesterday said it was only 6.8!? My heart sank. RE measured it at 9.8 yesterday and so he said that couldn't be possible so he redid the u/s. He measured 7.8. Not much better. :( He said once ovulation happens, lining does not get any thicker on a natural cycle. My regular RE said it could thicken a bit now that I started estradiol. I ovulated on my own yesterday so didn't need the Ovidrel trigger. I also felt O pain. Today RE measured it at 6.8 but it was 9 in some areas. I don't know if the adnomyosis is causing this?  My cycle may have to be cancelled if lining keep thinning. RE said it wouldn't be the biopsy because it is usually beneficial for implantation.  I had a great lining last month at 9.5.  I have to go for bloodwork & ultrasound again Thursday 3rd. The day before scheduled transfer day.  I am so tired from all these early morning appointments.  I should have transferred last month when I had a 9.5 lining instead of wasting it on the endometrial biopsy for the stupid ERA.

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

FET CD day 12

Lining was 9.8 this morning. E2 is 511. Even better than last cycle on this day. My nurse said she is confidant I will ovulate on my own again and not need the Ovidrel trigger. Last Thanksgiving eve I was in the hospital for bleeding and rhogam shot and then miscarried 2nd December.  This year FET date is set for 4th December. So weird how dates play out. I was not expecting to transfer during the holidays. Feeling excited and nervous. Praying out last embryo is our take home baby.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Invalid ERA result

I got bad news from my RE. He said my biopsy result was INVALID for the ERA because there was too much tissue collected in ratio to the preservative in the test tube! RE thought more would be better but not in this case. I am used to disappointments by now but sheesh, I got maternal cell contamination for my 8 week loss last summer, now again an invalid result. RE was apologetic and he assured me that Ivigen would give me a refund for the $870. Doesn't give me back the 2 months I lost though. I asked him what he thought of doing an extra day of PIO for next transfer. He understood me not wanting to do another biopsy since there would most likely be a 3rd biopsy needed should the result be pre-receptive. He agreed. Trying to find the silver lining in this bad luck situation, I asked my nurse since I am on cycle day 11 and haven't ovulated yet could we try for a natural cycle transfer this month.I have been doing opk's to keep tabs on my Lh surge. She calculated when I would have my FET approx 3rd Dec and she said luck would have it they have an opening that day! So I start my natural cycle for FET tomorrow CD 12. Hopefully my lining will be thick enough. I have been drinking pom juice and raspberry tea, taking lArginine, vit e and wobenzym n. The same as last cycle. Good thing I continued taking the prednisolone to keep my inflammation down and then increased the dose to 20 mg a week ago. We were going to NTNP this month. This time last year I got a spontaneous bfp but I miscarried because I hadn't met with Dr H. yet then. Now that I have the prednisolone and lovenox. I will always wonder if this protocol would have helped me save that pregnancy.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

ERA- Endometrial biopsy-CD 21

I had my endometrial biopsy for my ERA today. Startling discovery when my RE did my 21 day ultrasound. He said I have Adenomyosis! (yes in addition to endometriosis which I had excised in May this year) It's a mild case that he said shouldn't affect my getting pregnant. I know quite alot about adenomyosis because my close friend since childhood has it. It makes a woman's body produce too much estrogen. This makes me angry because my 4 medicated ivf cycles probably caused my adenomyosis in the first place!!! That explains why my body reacted so adversley to the del estrogen injections. I was already producing too much estrogen. Back to my childhood friend. She went for her 19 week utrasound where she was supposed to find out the gender. Sadly her baby's heartbeat was gone. :(  she said she heard it with the doppler just 2 days before :(  I am devastated for her. Not feeling much hope for myself now since she is the same age as me (44). 

When RE found the "adenomyosis" His first reaction was quite annoying. "This thing is growing" he said. Then he turns to me like a kid who has found a hidden treasure in the sand and says "It looks like a pregnancy...but it probably isn't". Not the kind of thing you tell a woman who has had 8 losses and doing donor egg ivf.  So he had me do a pee pregnancy test just in case.  All this time in my head I am thinking ..but we used birth control. I couldn't be pregnant..so what was the RE seeing in my uterus? Maybe the ghost of the pregnancy I had last November? I am only cycle day 21. How could he see a pregnancy on an u/s even if I had conceived. I should have told him smugly when he said it wasn't  a pregnancy.."well I have gotten naturally pregnant several times including last November" Not that I expect him to remember but it almost makes me feel like getting pregnant naturally again just to remind him I can get pregnant without his help! I know, a bit irrational, but the nerve of him you know?  Pregnancy test was of course negative. If he really thought it was a pregnancy on cycle day 21, why not order a beta? Urine hpt would not show positive that early. My beta from my chemical was zeroin Sept. I just don't understand Re's.

After the biopsy he said Ivigen recommends a second biopsy. I really don't want to delay embryo transfer by another month and pay another $900. *sigh* If I get a "pre-receptive result" That will be good enough for me. Then we will know we need to add an extra day of pregesterone, Natural cycle requires so much bloodwork and u/s. I will do it for transfer but not for another ERA. I also told him that I was disappointed in the "natural cycle" I thought natural meant only progesterone supplementation without estrogen which I want to avoid.  He said it would be risky to do it without. I said no way if I get pregnant am I doing estrogen until week 12. I have known other women who did a natural cycle without estrogen. So we compromised and I will only have to estrace from cycle day 16 until BFP. Then I can discontinue and only do Progesterone.

Thursday, November 5, 2015

ERA-CD 15

Another blood work and ultrasound appointment yesterday morning and today. My poor veins are shot, Good news though, that 23.9 follie is gone and they saw corpeus luteum so I ovulated on my own and wont need the ovidrel trigger injection! Bloodwork confirmed it and I felt ovulation cramping last night too so I was pretty sure I ovulated. Endometrial biopsy is scheduled for 11/11. I'm So relieved it doesn't fall on a weekend so Dr M will be doing my procedure as I hoped. I can't always be unlucky. I start my vag estrogen and PIO tomorrow

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

ERA- CD 14- (Ovulation)

Yesterday and today more blood draws and ultrasounds. My lining is 9.5. I think the person measuring on Sunday was being generous with her 9.9 measurement.  Tomorrow will be the 6th office visit for this Natural cycle so far  and I have to go back in again tomorrow! At least they detected my LH surge to day Maybe I won't need that Ovidrel trigger that's sitting in my fridge afterall! My follie is 23.3 and ready to pop! I am feeling some cramping on my right ovary. Unusual because it's usually the left. I was beginning to think my right ovary was blocked or something. Nurse said estrogen is dropping and progesterone is rising  indicating ovulation is happening soon. Thank goodness! I am tired of having to leave at 6:30 am every morning to get there for 7:30. Hopefully this will be the last before my ERA biopsy. My nurse cracks me up. She said I am her first natural cycle and she doesn't want me to feel like I am the experiment. I am the teacher lol

Sunday, November 1, 2015

ERA- Natural cycle-CD 11

I had another ultrasound and bloodwork today. I have 9.9 lining so far. All my transfers I've had 7.8 -8.6 which is good but this is excellent and no del estrogen hormone injections to thicken lining! E2-254 and LH- 4.32. RE was worried at my age that my lining would not get more than a 6. He said he would have to cancel a natural cycle that was less than a 6.  Well he will be surprised when he gets my results. I'll start PIO in a few days. This is a mock cycle but they are doing everything the way it will be for the cycle I do embryo transfer.I am so glad I am doing a natural cycle with no Estrogen because that is the medication that affected my thyroid. Feeling hopeful and considering doing a December transfer if ERA results come back receptive. I have another appointment on Tuesday.

Friday, October 30, 2015

ERA- CD 9 Bloodwork & ultrasound

My Lining is 7.8 on CD 9.  Bloodwork results- LH-  4.32 and E2- 119. Nurse said I have one follicle growing nicely so I go back on Sunday. Hoping that I ovulate on my own so I don't need the ovidrel (hcg trigger) injection. This ERA cycle is like a mock cycle. I will start PIO injections and estrace after I ovulate. Not sure when in relation to the biopsy procedure. Re said biopsy would be 7 days after ovulation. Loving this "Natural cycle" so far and that  I can skip the 3 weeks of del estrogen injections. That awful vaginal burning( allergic reaction in) was the worst and I am sure it was my body telling me something was wrong. Plus each bottle was $490 a bottle out of pocket.

Dr M finally got the gender from my last Chemical pregnancy. Normal Boy. Our first boy. All the others (from donor egg) have been girls. Funny because I had nicknamed him "Little Eric"


I have been doing my "Restoring fertility yoga" dvd again and Eric is teasing me about the breath of fire lol He imitates the drumbeats to a tee when I have the volume turned down. He cracks me up. I used to cue it up daily for 3 yrs in a row. I realized how much time has passed since I started it back in 2011 by the length of their hair! Mine was like Wendy Yu's when I started. Now even after cutting it 5 inches it's longer than the one lady's with the mid-back length. 

Thursday, October 22, 2015

CD 1 finally!

Finally! After 40 long days of waiting for my period after my chemical pregnancy. I start bloodwork and ultrasound for ERA cycle starting CD 9. Since I am trying to avoid del estrogen, will be doing a a natural cycle. Not looking forward to the every other day trips to my clinic for monitoring to detect my LH surge. Last time I did OPK's a year ago, I was surging CD 12 so fingers crossed my LH surge is early which means less ultrasounds!

Thursday, October 15, 2015

October 15th- pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day


Tonight, Eric and I lit 8 candles for the Wave of light remembrance. One of the candles, had a flame that was much taller than the others and was "dancing"around and I could feel a strong presence in the room as though spirits were  trying to communicate with us.  Eric asked which baby did that candle represent and I replied "George/Georgia". In the photo I took, you can see an orb next to that candle on the upper left!


Friday, September 18, 2015

WTF appoint with RE

RE had a cancellation so we went in an hour earlier and we were his last patients for the day. So appointment ended up being over 30 mins. It was not rushed at all so after covering all the concerns I had, he even chatted about some things he learnt at a seminar he recently attended. When we arrived he asked what I had on my mind and since I always like to get his point of view first before expressing my concerns/dislikes, I asked him his thoughts as to why this FET failed.  He admitted that the problem was most likely was an immune issue as I have said all along. With my ANA now negative with the immune therapy, I am really distraught that I've had another chemical. He agreed to let me have a a "natural cycle". He agreed we have nothing to lose since I will either have an adequate lining and they will transfer or they will cancel. He didn't say anything about cancelling if it fell on a weekend like he did when I asked about natural cycle before. so I didn't bring it up either.He said transfer would have to be next cycle though because they don't like transfer to be that soon after saline sono. So this month I will do opk's to see if I am still surging around day 12 like I was a few months ago. He thought it was good that I have been monitoring my ovulation when not on BCP.

I also want to have the Endometrial receptivity array (ERA) test done. They are finally offering it at my clinic. RE said this will delay me by a month because it takes a cycle to do the biopsy and testing.  I have noticed that my LH surge has gotten earlier (CD 12 instead of CD 14). So perhaps my earlier ovulation also means that my implantation window is earlier? RE said it certainly won't hurt ( the biopsy itself I know will hurt physically yes but ykwim)

http://www.ivigen.com/tests/endometrial-receptivity-test-era/

I asked him about the possibility of mitochondrial errors in the egg.  He it was a possibility. I asked about IVIGEN's Mitoscore test for embryos. He said it was a controversial topic. He said that mitochondrial testing on embryo as well as endometrial transplant (3rd party IVF) is illegal in the US. The UK has approved it (they are always the ones to make breakthroughs regarding fertility) so hopefully the US will follow in their footsteps soon.   DH said he doesn't have much faith in our donor's eggs. RE replied that this is understandable after 4 failed FET's. Well, I am not giving up on our underdog "BB"frostie.  He/she is genetically normal and I feel they have a good chance if I just let my body do what it does naturally and keep my thyroid under control. All of the eggs couldn't possibly have gotten mitochondrial errors right?!


As to the gender of our last loss, he didn't have the result yet. *groan* He explained (emphasizing that this did not apply to us) that no-one could agree on when it was ok to reveal gender, 1st u/s or later. Since it is a guarantee program,they cannot risk telling their patients sooner might stop their meds if the embryo might not be the gender they wanted. Obviously in my case, I just want to know because I had a chemical and it was too early to test POC.

I wrote Dr H. (MFM) an email asking her to order thryoid bloodwork for me next week and to renew my synthroid prescription. She responded that she would. Since Dr H will be monitoring my thyroid, I didn't even bring up my thyroid with RE, other then to say that the reason I wanted to do a natural cycle was to avoid taking the del estrogen because it messes up my thyroid levels.  I have done hormone replacement replacement therapy protocol 4 times! My thyroid has reacted adversely to it and that was proven this last FET. So I am happy to be having my natural cycle finally!


Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Why PGS normal embryos can have mitochodrial errors and end up as aneuploid embryos after transfer

There is a new test that can detect mitochondrial errors in embryos, even when 5day embryos appear normal.
http://www.ivigen.com/mitoscore-new-mitochondrial-biomarker-will-increase-implantation-rate-vitro-fertilization/

This is what Dr Braverman has to say on the subject. Our egg donor had 40 follicles and 30 eggs were retrieved. I feel that perhaps over-stimming damaged the mitochondria in the eggs.

We, at Braverman Reproductive Immunology (BRI), now recognize that other conditions such as Endometriosis, PCOS, Diabetes, Obesity, Autoimmune Disease, as well as EXCESSIVE IVF STIMULATION can also dramatically affect the oocyte quality. In particular, these conditions affect the mitochondria, one of the key organelles involved in oocyte quality and necessary for the correct division of the future embryo (you need normal mitochondria to supply the power for nuclear division, if mitochondria function is abnormal even a genetically tested normal embryo will fail to divide correctly and end up as an aneuploid embryo after transfer).

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Some unsettling news about PGS/Gestational Carrier while waiting for WTF appointment..

My nurse patiently listened to my rant yesterday. I told her that I was considering a gestational carrier should our last embie not stick and we have to start over with a new egg donor. Then I went to the Resolve website to a thread I had been following about failed cycles with PGS tested embryos. A lady had updated in July. After she had 2 miscarriages at 7 1/2 weeks with PGS normal embryos, she decided immune issues were definately the cause, so she found a gestational carrier. Her Gestational carrier had a HB at 6/12 weeks and same thing happened to her, at 7 1/2 week no HB. How could it be an immune issue if her GC miscarried at the exact same stage of pregnancy?!


Could it possibly be error at the mitochondrial level occurring?  I have read this can happen when egg donors are stimmed with too high doses of meds. Our donor produced alot of eggs. Maybe it affected the quality of her eggs? Dh has low morphology and we were surprised that all the eggs fertilized.  Maybe we need to look into sperm and egg donor next time? Or did all our embryos have a mosaicism that PGS cannot test for? So many questions and it seems the more research I do,the more confused I am as to which is the correct answer in our case.

Monday, September 14, 2015

Remembering Paula

It has been 4 yrs since my sister in law Paula lost her battle to breast cancer. We miss her every day. We are so ready to have some some happiness in our lives for a change. It seems all we have been experiencing is loss of loved ones and pregnancy losses.

I had my miscarriage on Sept 12th.  Since my last 3 losses were too early to have tested, I have buried them all in the pot with our Hawaii (honeymoon) plant. That plant has come back to life. It had lost all but 2 leaves and now it is lush, has a ton of leaves and has never looked healthier.








Thursday, September 10, 2015

Waiting for impending miscarriage


My beta Sept 7th confirmed that this is a chemical and HCG had dropped to zero. I had been having severe headaches and I knew this was a sign of my hormones dropping rapidly. I phoned Tuesday morning, the 8th, to schedule my WTF appoint and never received a call back!! So I phoned again this morning and they wanted to give me the 25th Sept! Feeling so angry, yet trying to be as calm and polite as I could, I told the receptionist that I needed something sooner because I'd like to discuss having a saline sonogram and a natural cycle for my next FET. I added, that my nurse in on vacation and I didn't even get so much as a phone call from my RE (which usually happens after a miscarriage or chemical). I know he has been back from conference since the 8th because he told me in his last email that he saw my first beta and was hoping for me. So the receptionist felt badly for me and moved my appointment to 18th Sept. I have my list of questions and concerns. He told me I was not hypothyroid and not to take the synthroid. Then Dr Hamersley phoned me to tell me I had become hypothyroid and needed to take the synthroid immediately. Feeling angry that this chemical should not be happening.



Sunday, September 6, 2015

Chemical Pregnancy

A squinter on IC HPT this morning, so my Hcg is less than 10.  I have a killer headache, so hormones are crashing. Beta tomorrow hopefully will be zero so I can stop all the injections. Pregnancy #8 will not be not our Rainbow. :(  5 clinical miscarriages (4 with Heartbeats) and now my 3rd CP. Technically my FET in March was a BFN because I got faint positives from 6-8 dpt but beta 2 weeks after transfer was negative. The way I look at it though, that female embryo was normal and I feel that her life needs to be validated. In another uterus, she probably would have thrived and grown into a healthy baby!  My breasts are still very sore and swollen. I just want to be able to stop all the injections so this headache will stop. Eric and I had planned a babymoon or  BFN getaway. So looking forward to going to Chincoteague island on Sept 25-27th to see the wild horses of Assateague. I have read all of Marguerite Henry's books when I was a child. I've looked forward to going there since I moved here, but being constantly pregnant/miscarrying plunged me into a depression and I kept putting off going to the shore.  Eric kept telling me that I needed councelling because I was no longer the same person he married.  I denied that I was depressed. Until I started the prednisolone again and my depression lifted and I felt human again. The pain is gone. Depression felt like I couldn't breathe under this heavy dark cloak. In the last 5 yrs have spent most of my free time researching miscarriage and genetic issues, talking on Babycenter's Miscarriage groups, IVF, Donor egg and PGS threads. Crocheting baby clothes for all my pregnant friends and our babies that never stayed. Like Eric pointed out, not healthy for my mind or my soul. I just finished crocheting a pair of grey boots for this little lost soul (6 months for the age they would have been next winter). They each have their gifts, depending on length of pregnancies. I have 2 blankets, one I made for our Trisomy female and another I made for George, our 8 week IVF loss. Then I have several hats, booties and mittens. Gardening and Gluten-free baking are the two hobbies I did that helped me stay sane.

We have One PGS normal embryo left.  Eric and I have decided to do a natural cycle next. Dr Hamersley suspects that my becoming hypothyroid is the cause of this PGS normal embryos' demise. She feels that del estrogen hormone messes with my thyroid levels. (my TSH was perfect at 1.67 the day I started injections, then jumped to 3.8  two weeks later). A natural cycle is a much better choice. However, I risk my FET getting cancelled if falls on a weekend because my clinic won't do FET's on weekends for donor egg cycles. My longtime childhood friend in Canada is now 10 weeks pregnant after doing a natural cycle. Del estrogen didn't agree with her either. She has adenomyosis and it made her lining way too thick. Her doctor prescribed Intralipids for her FET.  I have tried in vain get any doctor in Maryland to agree to RX it.

Part of me is afraid that Eric and I have that rare HLA issue that Braverman spoke to me about during our pone consult. Eric doesn't think we would be SO Unlucky that we would have BOTH chromosome issues and then now with PGS Normal embryos also have immune and rare HLA issues. We could get the HLA matching tests done but would cost us over $3000, just to determine that we need a gestational carrier which we cannot afford. We have spent so much already on Donor egg, PGS and 6 ivf transfers. I had sent my Re info on it after he told me that "Donor egg fixes that and HLA is a very rare occurance anyway". I may have posted this before, but Dr Braverman told me that my RE is an idiot for telling me that DE would fix an HLA issue. The woman's body is attacking the dna from the sperm in the embryo, not the egg! So another solution would be both sperm and egg donor. Or embryo donation. This link explains HLA. I have read it so many times but Eric refuses to admit it could be a possibility.
http://www.preventmiscarriage.com/Reproductive-Immunology/HLA-Genes.aspx

Since my ANA is negative from my immune system being suppressed for almost 2 months now from the prednisolone, Eric and I think I should just go straight into another FET. I have more than met my 3000 deductible for my insurance this year. So bi-monthly thyroid tests,u/s's and prednisolone and are lovenox are covered until the end of the year. If the next embryo is another BFN or chemical, then we will have our answer.




Friday, September 4, 2015

11dpt-Beta HCG

                                                                             27.9  :( 
I was driving to acupuncture when I got my beta result this morning. Only 27.9 (11dp6dt)  Sadly, looks like a Chemical with another PGS normal embryo :(  This morning's hpt has gotten lighter. I could tell by the nurse's  tone of voice it was bad news.  She said to continue meds and go in for repeat beta on Sept 8th but agreed that  it looked like my hcg was dropping, since I had my first positive hpt at 5dpt, which was a whole 6 days ago. My due date should have been Mother's day 2016.
 I poured my heart out to my acupuncturist who I has been treating me weekly for 4 yrs now.  He gave me gave me a "miscarriage prevention protocol treatment"(needle on my front then I turned over and he put them in my back). He really wants this to work for us. He treated Eric for 2 yrs and it improved his 2 % sperm morphology to 5%
We have one embryo remaining. Thinking of going right into another FET in November. Will be asking for a natural cycle.  I feel the hormone replacement drugs made my thyroid go all out of balance. The problem with that is if it falls on a weekend my FET will have to be cancelled because they don't do "donor egg" transfers on weekends. The majority of women in a donor egg program at my clinic don't ovulate naturally I have been told. But I do! Arrghhh! The irony of that is just sad.

Thursday, September 3, 2015

10dpt

1 day till beta day. Praying! IC is only slightly darker so I tried a dollar tree Assured one that was positive, so I am thinking it has to be well over 25 miu. Breasts more veiny and sore. Bladder still bursting in the middle of the night.



Wednesday, September 2, 2015

9dpt

A bit darker line on Hpt. symptoms: Sore swollen veiny breasts. still waking up to be at 4 am to pee, pulling/pinching in uterus. Very hungry. Praying!! 2 more days until beta..




Tuesday, September 1, 2015

8dpt- BFP!

I finally got a decent positive on FRER this morning.  I have turned into a POASoholic this FET! With only one PGS normal embryos remaining, Eric and I are really feeling the urgency for this to work! It touched my heart to see him line up my hpts and get excited about the line progression


Progression of internet cheapies 5dpt-8dpt:



The tightening feeling in my throat is gone, so the thyroid meds seems to be helping. Also, I was falling asleep during dinner. Went to bed at 8:30 pm, woke up 2:30 to pee and went back to sleep till alarm went off at 7am! Woohoo! A whole 10 hours sleep! I feel so much better today!
 I'm praying every chance I get! We decided to include my MIL and my parents from day 1 this time. We need their prayers!  Waiting till beta on Sept 4th to tell my parents about BFP because I have had 2 ivf chemicals, so still being cautious. Pregnancy#8 please be our THB!


Monday, August 31, 2015

7dpt-Hypothyroid

Dr Hamersley phoned with my most recent Thyroid levels and she said I am now hypothyroid and need to take the synthroid or this will work against my pregnancy. In 2 weeks my TSH has gone from 1.67 to 3.7!  Free T4 has dropped from 2.3 to 1.3.  I am so mad at my RE for telling me  not to take the synthroid! Last week he said it would cause me to produce even more thyroid hormone which I do not want. I thought that endocrinologist knew about the thyroid?!   I am only following Dr Hamersley's directions from here on out.  I am feeling a tightness at the base of my throat. Dr H said she thinks this is thyroid related as well. FMU IC was a bit similar to last night's.

Sunday, August 30, 2015

6dpt- The POAS madness begins



I was a hormonal wreck at church this morning.  While singing a hymn that went "..through the storms we are facing let God be our light..." I started tearing up as I thought that the message must be for Eric and I! Ugh! Hormones!! Then I felt a strong pinch on the left of my uterus.  Like our little one was saying "I'm still here!!"  As soon as I got home,  I poas on one of those new FRER  hpts. The line isn't much darker than IC from yesterday. So Eric said "Try another Internet cheapie!"


He usually does not encourage me to test and usually says wait till my expected period (2 days before beta). This time he is in on board the POAS train too!! lol  The 2nd line is a bit darker. Phew! (IC detects 20 miu. Like several ladies on  Babycenter have said, the New FRER do not give a 2nd strong line like the original ones did!! Very disappointing. I don't care about the curved handle cuz I like to pee in a cup anyways! I was surprised when Amazon sent these. Please God let our baby stay.  It's all in your hands now.

Saturday, August 29, 2015

5dpt - Squinter

I got a squinter on a Wondfo IC hpt at 7 am this morning.  My transfer was at 12:45 so it hasn't been quite 5 days since transfer day yet. Praying so hard that this little soul sticks around!  I decreased my prednisolone dose from 10ml(30mg) to 7ml(20 mg) today. Hopefully I will be able to get more sleep now.  I have only been able to sleep 4 hours a night since my FET!  I was getting 7 hours on 15mg before my transfer so hopefully the extra 5 mg won't make the insomnia continue...



Friday, August 28, 2015

4dpt- Fatigue

Last night I fell asleep right after dinner on the movie "Aloha". Eric ripped it for me so I could watch it another time. I hope I get my thyroid results on Monday since I think that is what is causing me to feel so sleepy. Well only sleeping 4 hours isn't helping either. Good news. Heart palpitations have stopped so the higher dose of prednisolone must have done the trick to tame my thyroid.  The tremors in my hands are also gone.  Seems I spend all my waking time eating. I am so hungry!  Loving these soups by Pacific. I eat one with all my meals. Keeping the palace warm and all that.


Thursday, August 27, 2015

3dpt- Another Thyroid blood draw

I woke up to period like cramps.  They felt like implantation cramps. I have had them will all my pregnancies. With the spontaneous pregnancies I would wonder for a moment "could it be?" then just dismiss it. But with IVF, knowing there is an embryo in my uterus does make me more in tune to every sensation.  I hope this little embryo has chosen a good spot to snuggle in.  I went to Labcorp to get blood drawn for thyroid tests.  I was raveneous when I got home despite the huge breakfast I had. As I sit here, I feel lots of bubbling in my uterus.  Praying. Gardening to keep my mind busy.


Wednesday, August 26, 2015

2dp5dt- Chat with Dr Hamersley

Dr. Hamersley phoned me today. She said the heart palpitations and increased pulse are not being caused by the prednisolone. What's causing it is my thyroid reacting to the del estrogen and progesterone injections.  That makes sense because because in other cycles, when I wasn't taking pred,,I would have rashes and fibro flares when I started the del estrogen. Dr H said I am not hyperthyroid, even though my Free T4 is a bit high. Hyperthyroidism would only be indicated if TSH was in the low range and it has been normal. She noticed my TSH from 8/11 was missing so she ordered a new thyroid panel so I will go for another blood draw tomorrow.  She also said it was ok to continue my calcium and magnesium supplements ( I had read a contraindication for magnesium when taking lovenox. Can't believe everything you read on the internet). Prednisolone causes leaching of calcium and magnesium from the bones so it is important to supplement. Also Dr H said to continue the baby aspirin. My mind feels more at ease after talking with her.

Tonight, I had what felt like implantation camps on the left side of my uterus. With every pregnancy I have felt it on my left so I suppose the embies prefer that side.


Tuesday, August 25, 2015

1dp5dt- Acupuncture

I had an acupuncture appointment this morning.I really needed it because of this 30 mg prednisolone (I am actually taking 9ml/28 mg cuz at 97 lbs, I think that dose is tad high for me)  Jamie, the u/s tech who checked my pulse yesterday right after my transfer said it was high. She asked if I was having heart palpitations and right after I said no, I then I felt them. At least I didn't have to fib. She was concerned and said I should call them if it continued and they may have to lower the pred dose. Ut-oh.  I don't want to lower it to anything less than 20mg because all the studies my MFM has shown me show this is the minimum dose for success.  Besides, the PIO is causing plenty of side effects. Some of the ones I have been noticing: dizziness, nervousness, irritability, anxiety, confusion, forgetfulness, impaired concentration and insomnia. Insomnia is also a side effect of prednisolone. and it is back. I am waking up at 4am. It took me 2 weeks to get used to the 15mg dose and I was finally sleeping 7 hours. Now I have almost doubled the dose, so was kind of expecting it.

I was so sad about the passing of Lauree's baby  that I didn't have the heart to make an update last week on my blood work results I got back from my GP's office. I went for blood work on 7/28 and 8/11. Anti-nuclear antibodies and Anti-SS B were both Negative! My RE Dr M was very pleased about this.  Dr Braverman was right! He said that endo causes ANA to flare up.  I am so glad I listened to him and had the laparoscopy done to remove it. ANA It was positive for 10 yrs and now suddenly negative! I am cautiously hopeful about this FET. For once the word negative is a good thing!!! I've been getting my thyroid levels checked every 2 weeks. Free T4 was 2.3 which is above normal range, which worried me, so I emailed my RE and he said it was a bit high but not to worry about it because my Free T3 and other thryoid tests were great. TSH was 1.67 on 7/28 at the start of my protocol, but the result was missing from the 8/11 panel. Since it's was the recommended "below 2", I will try not to worry. GP said he will ask the lab to re-run the test. I phoned Dr Hamersley's office to discuss results of my test and other questions. I told the nurse that she could call me back at her convenience when she wanted to put me right through to her while she was with a patient. I prefer when they call on their own time, then they have more time to talk.

 I drew the Hawaiian Owl card from the spiritual animal deck. Pay close attention to signs and omens.  I had this card last July. The sign/omen I had was in the form of a nightmare.  We had gone to see Malificent in my 7th week and  in the dream Malificent was holding the baby blanket I was crocheting for our baby. She unrolled it and cackled "The baby is Gone!!" {Insert Diabolical laughter here} This happened around the time the HB stopped 8 weeks 4 days but baby was measuring 5 days behind at 7 weeks 6 days). Then in March, with my BFN cycle, the omen would have been the painful, swollen/veiny pinky finger  2 days before my embryo transfer.


Our hatching embryo reminds me of one of my Journey CD covers "ESCAPE":



Monday, August 24, 2015

FET

I had my Embryo transfer today at 12:45. I had prayed for nice weather since rain never agrees with my fibromyalgia. It was beautiful and sunny, I was pain free and it was an awesome day. A grade AB (PGS normal) eagerly hatching embryo is in my uterus now and hopefully snuggling in for the next 9 months.
Everything went smoothly, no hour delay or having to tense my pelvic floor muscles due to a bladder read to burst like the last FET. Transfer was on time and u/s tech and embryologists were cheerful (same ladies for the last 4 transfers). A new RE did the transfer. Only one thing concerned me was the tech saying to the doctor that "she saw a shadow" and I asked if it had anything to do with my tilted uterus and she didn't respond, so the embryologist smiled and said it was fine and,there was a nice direct line for the catheter.  Um, ok. The doctor adjusted the tilt of the table several times until I almost felt like I was on an inversion table before he finally put our embryo in.  Eric and I went to Pei Wei for gluten free spicy shrimp. I'm following acupuncturists instructions on eating "warm foods". This has become our little tradition after an FET. As I was waiting for the food and Eric went to sort out our order mix-up (they had brought us tuna sushi instead of spicy shrimp), Someone had satellite radio playing from their car and the song "A Thousand years" came on.  I tried not to tear up as I listened to it and a couple was trying to calm their vocal baby at the table next to us.
After lunch, we came home and watched "The Longest Ride". Of course with Nicholas Sparks movies, a box of tissues is always required. This one especially was a tear-jerker. Even more so with all these hormones lol  A perfect day with my awesome husband. Our eagerly hatching 6 day PGS normal embryo:






Sunday, August 23, 2015

:(

It is with a sad and heavy heart that I write this post.  Lauree, an infertility friend that I was praying for and rooting for has lost her baby at 9 weeks 5 days. I was so sure this was her rainbow baby at last. My heart breaks for her and this devastating loss.  Please stop by her blog and leave her encouraging words and prayers.
Just Relax and it will happen


Monday, August 17, 2015

Lining check and green light for FET

I started out the morning disappointed, with a lining of 8.5mm at 7 am. Perhaps because I didn't have success with my 2 transfers where I had an 8.5.  Last summer's BFP my lining was 9.5 so I was hoping it to be closer to that.  My nurse Doris then phoned me at 11:15, all bubbly and happy that my lining is in fact 8.7! It's not as great as my 9.5 lining with my BFP June 2014, but I'll take it!!  My E2 is 1034 and Doris said that she was very happy about that also. It was Dr Y who did my u/s this morning.  He's the one who did my 2 unsuccessful OE transfers and the one who had to break the news to me that George's heartbeat had stopped. Then of course he did the botched job of my d&c where I got a maternal cell contamination result from Anora test!! So of course my paranoid mind started thinking about bad signs and omens and all that. He told me that my lining "looked good" so I asked him the measurement and he responded "8 point something". So I asked "8 point what?! I need to know." So he said about 8.5. He knocked off .2 mm ...I suppose not to give me false hope since this is transfer #6 and FET #4!??  PFFTT!! A friend who has also suffered from RPL calls him Dr Dickhead. He performed a d&c n her that left her with Asherman's syndrome. The reason I go to that clinic for my Pre-transfer appoints is because it is closer and more convenient, but I am going downtown to Dr. M RE for ultrasounds if I get a BFP. He has a much nicer bedside manner. He is always encouraging and takes my feelings into consideration.

I have been getting my thyroid levels checked every 2 weeks by my GP. My TSH is at it's lowest 1.67 so that is great. Free T4 is 1.6 and Thyroxiine(T4) is 12.0. He also ordered an ANA and other tests like Sjogrens Anti-SS-B antibody that I tested positive for last year! I only found out recently when they signed me up for an online patient portal. The nurse had just told me all my results were normal. However, there was a red explanation point next to the positive tests.  My GP said "that just indicates an inflammation issue".  Hello! Would have been nice to know the month of my transfer!! I was in pain that month despite the 10 mg prednisolone and I would have cancelled my cycle.


I feel like superwoman on the 15 mg prednislone now though!  The first 2 weeks after I started del estrogen injections were tough because I was dealing with insomnia and fibromyalgia pain in my shoulder and back. Eric said that I am alot more hormonal and irritable this time than in previous cycles.  I have huge mood swings that go from being Euphoric to straight out pissed in a short space of time LOL


I have an acupuncture appointment Friday 8/21 because my transfer is a Monday 8/24.,  I won't be able to have a session the day before or even the day of, since my FET is in Chesterbrook, PA (which is a 2 hour drive)

The past 2 weekends have been hectic.  Eric was on call all last week. Then, this past weekend, he was back-up, but the on-call couldn't figure out how to fix the network issue so Eric had to help him out.  He ended up having to go to the data center because there is no rep from the other team in Minnesota to actually physically do their job here in Maryland. So I had to wait in the car at the data center for over an hour. Groceries like meat and salmon in the trunk. We had not eaten dinner. I was not a happy camper. It was 11:30  pm by the time we finally got home!


Eric had to have his headset on the whole time we were at the hospital visiting our friend who had emergency gall bladder surgery yesterday.  We stayed with her for 2 hours while her husband went home, had a shower, etc.. They had to go straight to the hospital from the airport as she had been in pain for 3 days and they couldn't find what was wrong with her in Hong Kong and had just given her probiotics for what they thought was a stomach flu. Now she has the runs poor thing! Getting out of bed is a challenge in itself but she has to get up every hour or so. The doctors here put her on antibiotics and were going to send her home but she insisted they do a CT scan and that's when they realized they had to do the gall bladder removal immediately! 

The 2 most frequent cards I have been getting with the animal spirit guide deck in the past 2 weeks hit the nail right on the head:

1) The Seagull:"Now is the time for deep emotional healing" - The emotional sea that's hovering just below your consciousness is a well of feelings that needs to be acknowledged and expressed. Cry or laugh as much as you need to explore these feelings by sharing them with someone you trust (that would be Eric), or write about them in a journal.  Pay particular attention to sensations in your body. It's not necessary to cleanse the emotional and psychic scars that remain from earlier experiences too frequently, but now is the time to do so.

2) The Wolverine:"You are alot tougher than you think you are."-You have what is takes to deal with this turmoil. One where events have taken a different turn from what you expected. Recall those times when you've faced adversity, when you had to dig deep inside yourself to discover the internal resources and will to continue onward. This is one of those times when you need to be assertive with others, saying "no" when necessary, asking for what you want and sustaining your physical and emotional boundaries. 




Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Baseline and start of medicated FET cycle

I am back from visiting my parents in Barbados.  I had to go to the doctor the day before I left and he prescribed antibiotics because I got an infection in the incision in my navel from my Laparoscopy procedure. I felt so ill on the plane. By day 3, antibiotics started kicking in and I started to feel much better. We had beautiful sunny weather and so Eric and I were able to go to the beach almost every day. Surprisingly because it is the rainy season there and it only rained one day during the whole 2 weeks! My parents house is 5 minutes walk from the beach. I was taking Wobenzyme N after my surgery and switched to prendisolone 7/16. Took last BCP 7/24 and had my baseline 7/27. I started del estrogen injections and baby aspirin that night. Oh did I mention how awesome it is to have pain free periods since my endo was removed?

This time I won't start lovenox until 2 days before my transfer.  My pinky finger got swollen and sore with a popped up vein 2 days before my March FET and I wonder if the lovenox started that early (3 weeks before transfer ) caused it? Idk, but I sure hope that doesn't happen again. The acupuncturist said it was a blockage and actually had to poke a needle in vein to release it. Yesterday I went to my GP to get my thyroid levels checked. The countdown to FET 8/24 has begun!...


Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Gearing up for FET cycle

My first period after my lap was pretty bad but my gyno promised that future cycles should be pain free now that the endo has been removed.  Due to not being allowed to eat from the day before the lap until a day after and then all the vomiting (found out I am allergic to percocet), I lost 7 pounds, down from 101 to 95 pounds.  I am sure alot of that is loss of muscle mass since I stopped doing weight resistance for 3 weeks. I have been eating alot of cashews, gluten free pasta & bread and increased my calorie count to try to gain it back so I can be a healthy weight for my FET. My BMI is now dangerously low at 16.8 :(

Two days ago I had a root canal done. My dentist just wanted to put a crown, but I asked for a root canal because the oral surgeon he referred me saw decay behind the filling.  I don't want to have to be dealing with this a few months from now when I will hopefully be pregnant. I told him I want my gums to be healthy since I've had 6 miscarriages. He was sympathetic, but he didn't think their was a connection between my losses and my gums, since I don't have an infection.  Then he shared a story about his sister in law who also suffered from losses and then had success.  I started the birth control pill right after my lap. I had a consult with my RE and he seemed positive since I had the lap done.  He said the only way I can manage my endo is with lupron.  However right now, overlapping my birth control pills will have to do since I am having an FET in August. Lupron treatment will be an option if pregnancy doesn't work out. I have been taking pyconogenol as it helps with endo.  DH took it for 2 years and it increased his low sperm morphology and I had 3 spontaneous pregnancies during that time. Had I known then that it would have been good for me also, I would have taken it as well.  It is also good to prevent sunburn.  I got sunstoke after snorkelling one year  and Dh was barely sunburned! Made no sense since he has that fair Irish complexion. It made sense later, when I read about the sunscreen effect why only I got sunstroke.

We leave for Barbados in 2 weeks.  As soon as we return I will have baseline my appointment, lining checks and start del estrogen injections.  The pain in my fingers has disappeared despite all the crazy thunderstorms we have had lately. I'm not sure if the Wobenzyme is doing it's thing or inflammation is at a low level since I had the endometriosis removed. I am happy about this and I'm looking forward to swimming in the ocean every day and eating mangoes from my parents tree!  Praying that my August FET is a success. Supplements I have been taking:
Thorne Basic Prenatal
Prenatal DHA with 2000 iu D3
Niacin 50 mg (to prevent over-methylation from methylfolate prenatals)
NAC 600 mg with selenium
Cal/Mag-1000/500mg
Probiotic (20 billion)

I will discontinue these next 4 when I start prednisolone:-
Alpha lipoic acid 600mg
Wobenzyme n ( for pain in fingers)
Pycnogenol (maritime pine bark) 150 mg (for endo management)
COQ10 200mg
I will discontinue Krill oil 1000mg when I start Lovenox.



Thursday, May 28, 2015

Laparoscopy

Eric's Grandmother passed away the day before memorial day.  .It was such a shock. She looked so well when we went to see her on Mother's day. The new valve put in her heart was supposed to give her a few more years. RIP Grandmom. You will be greatly missed. Funeral is tomorrow, the 29th May.

I had my laparoscopy on the 26th.  Surgeon removed  2 sites of endometriosis. Both on my uterus. However, he accidently nicked my stomach so I had to get a couple stitches there too. I also had to stay overnight in the hospital. I was not allowed to eat or drink anything and I had already been fasting the day before surgery. They gave me some pretty strong drugs in my iv and I kept waking during the night hallucinating.  Different nurses were checking on me and I lost track of what meds they were giving me because I was so loopy. I saw a nurse to my right (she wasn't there-when I focused hard I realized it was just an empty chair). Then the other 3 times I was talking to my husband (who had gone home at 10 pm). He didn't respond so I realized I was hallucinating again.  When the nurse came back I told her not to put any more drugs in my iv. It was making me loopy and I was seeing things. The anti-nausea patch can also cause hallucinations and I had put one behind each ear by mistake. It should have been only one but the instructions on the box were not clear.  When I told the nurse she immediately took one of them off, but since I them since the night before, the meds were already in my system.  Back home now and still extremely bloated in my abdominal area. I can feel all the gas under my skin. Pain in my shoulders is gone.

Tomorrow is the funeral and it will be a 3 hour drive.  Poor Dh is already tired from driving up to PA Mother's day, the following Sunday for father in law's birthday lunch, then a wedding last weekend. He was the groomsman and so we had to spend the whole weekend there for rehearsal & wedding. My throat is so sore from the tube they put in my throat for Lap procedure. I see white spots there so I suspect I have a strep throat. Hurts to swallow.

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Walmart cashiers crack me up!

I had alot of hormonal headaches and cramping throughout my cycle last month on birth controll pill. So we decided condoms were a better idea this month. I noticed the cashier at Walmart looked at my wedding ring after she rung up the box of condoms. As Dh was putting the last bag in the cart she hands him the last bag (she had put the condoms in there alone) and tells him "Don't forget this one .You're gonna NEED those!" LMAO!! While walking to the car I told him with a wink "Woohoo! Yeah I'm in for a fun weekend!"

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

The plan

Always delays. Biometrics screening on April 29th was postponed till May 19th due to the riots in Baltimore. I have been sugar free for 3 months since I was taking prednisolone. So have to keep it up another month. This extra month is tough though. I am craving chocolate. Especially Land O lakes raspberry hot chocolate. Haven't you noticed that you crave what you are not supposed to have even more so?

I had my consult regarding laparoscopy surgery with Dr Morosov. Luckily he has an opening for May 26th.  I have to be at the hospital at 7 am. Mornings have been hard since I weaned off the awesome prednisolone. Fibro is back with a vengence.  Dr M didn't think the Lap would help but he agreed to it after I told him that I have had another 5 miscarriages in less than 2 yrs. Dh was pushing me to see a councellor because I was falling apart at the seams.  He doesn't like seeing me depressed.  I have been gardening, spring cleaning the basement for mind therapy. Plus I am looking forward to visiting my parents in July.

My RE hasn't gotten back to me regarding the ERA test or the intralipids or the natural FET that  I requested.  It's always, I will check to see if we offer it.  Or "Oh I will put in a request for you". Then he forgets about me. Either that or he went on holiday.
On a more positive note. Dr Hamersley ordered the inexpensive generic prednisolone for me.  The 15 mg is so much cheaper than the 5mg.  Not to mention that I had to double up on pred pills.  The first time that she sent Rx, they wanted to charge me $680 for a 30 day supply again.  Because she had ordered 10 mg and it only comes in 5mg and 15mg, they were filling it for 5mg. I told the pharmacist that would not work since I have to increase to 30 mg for 5 days during my transfer. Not to mention that the 15mg is only $38 compared to $689 for the 5mg! My nurse said she thinks they pumped up the price of the 5mg since alot of ivf clinics use 5mg dose now.  So Dr H sent the RX for 15mg. At last! RE said he was cool with going along with that protocol. Yet he refused to order anything more than 5mg for the last year or so!  He just didn't want to be responsible for ordering anything more than 5mg. ppftt!

My prednisolone has been shipped. Yay! I wont need it till Aug when I start my FET meds but might as well get it now, in case they decide to change the price on me.  Or it might go out of stock. With my luck that is what would probably happen so I am gonna stock up from now through mail order.

Monday, April 13, 2015

Endometrial Receptivity Array Test

I have been doing some research about Endometrial Receptivity Array Test and I emailed my Re about it.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25106620
http://www.ivigen.com/tests/endometrial-receptivity-test-era/

 I have a strong feeling that this has been my problem with implantation and ivf. When I get pregnant naturally the timing is perfect but the embryos are abnormal. With IVF & PGS the embryos are normal but the transfer date might not be ideal for implantation. My FET was 4 weeks 3 days after my last period 02/20. Something seems wrong there. With my BFP FET where I got to 8 weeks, my transfer was only 3 weeks 2 days after cycle day 1. We all  have an implantation window and IVF totally disregards this!! My RE is looking into whether his clinic can offer this. He said he can do the "scratch" and the biopsy will show if I have endometritis. He doubts I have it.
I really hate being on the birth control pill.  For some reason it is causing my breasts to be really sore and swollen.  However,  with my bad luck I doubt we'd ever catch a euploid egg and Dh does not want to risk it when we have PGS normal frosties waiting for us.Not to mention my age. (almost 44). Of course he doesn't remind me about that fact.


Dr Hamersley, Wtf appointment..

My wtf appointment with RE wasn't much different from all the others. I asked what his thought were why this didn't work. he had no explanation but says he continues to be optimistic.  I am sure he is programmed to say this to patients every failed cycle. He told us this normal embryo was a female. My gut feeling was right when I decided to crochet that baby dress after my transfer. He said he had put in a request for intralipids to the clinic. I am not holding my breath as he also did this last summer after my miscarriage and it was denied. Also, he said that Braverman was not the RI he was thinking of. Other than Sher there are no others on the East coast so I don't know if he was just making up an excuse?. In any case, we would have to pay $3,000 to Dr Braverman (this fee is for cost for ivf transfer but since we are in a guarantee program with our clinic we cannot do this. However, we would still have to pay this fee and that does not include any of the out of pocket cost of the actual immune testing. Re said he cannot interpret the tests results and that I would have to switch clinics. We still have 2 frozen embryos so that is out of the question.

The good news is that we met with Dr Hamersley. She spoke with us over 2 hours and we really like her. First she went through all my miscarriages one by one in detail. Then all the testing I have done so far. Dr H showed us a study and protocol that she feels will work for me. She also prescribed the higher dose of prednisolone I have been begging from my RE for over a year now! Dr H also agrees that I have an inflammation problem, most likely due to autoimmune disease and endometriosis.

Dr H is the first doctor who had actually addessed my Mthfr mutation. She gave me a prescription for Metanx (3mg methylfolate). I told her that I have been taking Thorne prenatal which has 1 mg, despite other doctors saying heterozygous c677t was not a contributing factor to my miscarriages.  When I told her about the over-methylation rashes I get when taking it for several months, she said that can be remedied with Niacin (vit B3). Unfortunately the "flushing" I get from 500mg  is unbearable. It's like a bad sunburn and lasts for several hours! So I will have to switch to a low dose and see if I can stand it.

In the study Dr H printed out, it outlines women doing ivf with known thyroid issues. She is pretty sure that although all my thyroid tests come back fine that I will need to take meds and have my thyroid monitored once I do another FET because she thinks it acts up once I am pregnant. Dr H encouraged me to continue acupuncture as she is a big believer in it. She feels that the lovenox helps with inflammation problem,but maybe I shouldn't start it as early as 3 weeks before transfer as it possibly interfered with building my endometrial lining. This is my opinion on the lovenox, but she agreed that it could be a factor and I should start it only after I have my lining check and it is optimal.

I really like that she emphasizes an anti-inflammatory diet and exercise. She made me feel good about everything I have been doing so far.  Yoga, pilates, acupuncture, no sugar. Lots of organic fruits and veggies. Oh, and she stressed that I should completely cut out sugar while taking prednisolone as it really affects blood sugar. She agrees that the laparoscopy will be a good thing because I definately have all the symptoms and she said that sometimes in the later stages endo symptoms will actually disappear but that the endo is still there causing inflammation. This makes perfect sense because for most of my life I could barely function due to the cramps and vomitting.  I thought cutting out red meat and taking various supplements like Primrose oil had gotten rid of the endo since my symptoms are very mild now. Dr h said eno never just goes away.  Cleaning it all our could be just what I need.

She couldn't believe that other doctors have ignored my positive ANA that has remained that way for the last 9 yrs.  I am sure I missed some info in this post as it was a 2 hour appoint and so much was said. Dh usually remains quiet but he asked her alot of questions and told her some things I had forgotten to mention. I am happy that he liked her and thought that she had done alot of research on our behalf.

So the next step an appointment with my gyno Dr Morosov. He did my hysteroscopy in 2010 and is an excellent surgeon. We will schedule a laparoscopy this summer.




Friday, April 3, 2015

Beta confirms BFN

I had my beta today which confirmed BFN.  I had a long talk with my RE about Dr. Braverman. I told him that I had a phone consult with him in February and that he said I most likely had autoimmune or alloimmune issues.  He said he does respect what Braverman does, but he is not authorized to prescribe the high levels of prednisone or ivig that he recommends.  I said now we know for sure chromosomal issues are not the cause because this was a PGS tested embryo. I asked him to at least order the HLA testing to see if Dh and I have matches and he said he would read the website.  Even if he orders the tests, he cannot promise that he will be able to do the immune protocol that Braverman recommends.  I told him I am not transferring anymore PGS normal embryos until we get tested. I also want to have a laparoscopy because my gyno has always suspected that I have endo and the RE didn't think it could cause miscarriage but now after all the research I have shown him that Dr. Braverman has done he admits it could be a possibility. I want the gyno/surgeon who did my hysteroscopy in 2010 to do the lap though. Not my clinic. They did a lousy job with my last d & c. At my WTF appointment I am also going to ask him about an endometrial scratch or biopsy to see if I have Endometritis (an infection in the endometrium lining from a d & c). 

Dh wanted  know the sex of our lost embryo. Re was supposed to tell me once I got pregnant. I was so busy advocating for reproductive immunology I completely forgot to ask.  Over the last 2 weeks I crocheted a baby dress. We will see if my feeling was right. I included that question in the email I sent.

Next step is meeting Dr Hamersley (MFM).. I have been told that she does believe in autoimmune treatment. 

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

BFN 8dp5dt

I caved and tested. Yesterday there was a faint second line.  Today it was again a faint line but it isn't getting darker so I am pretty sure it's a chemical. 
Why is it that my uterus grabs chromosomally abnormal embryos but rejects the PGS tested normal ones? Also, I just started spotting.  I have never bled on PIO before.  I've only had IB with my natural pregnancies.  I had super strong period like cramps on Saturday the 28th. I woke up to an orgasm from a vivid sex dream.  Then cramping for a good 10 mins. I thought for sure they had been implantation cramps.(remember the Hawaiian owl card ~pay close attention to signs and omens and vivid dreams?)
  
I moved my beta to this Friday.  Why torture myself with 3 sets of daily injections? I have a migraine, I'm am having night sweats and I am in the worst mood of my life. I think it's because I'm no longer pregnant and so my body isn't using the hormones and it's affecting me in a really bad way.  I got really pissed yesterday because I phoned ISCIS and found out that my green card with my married name change was undeliverable because our stupid mailman keeps putting the wrong mail in the wrong boxes! I know this cuz I keep getting neighbors mail and putting it into their box! Dh has even driven a few streets away to bring a lady her medication which were delivered here! Its one of the many things I love about him. His kindness to strangers. I should have received my card before my transfer and I remember saying it would bring us luck. Maybe it was a sign when I never received it. 




Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Lucky 7?

After a 2 hour drive to PA yesterday, I had a 5AB (chromosomally normal) embryo transferred to my uterus that will hopefully be his/her new home for the next 9 months.  This was the first time I didn't have other patients go ahead of me. Not having to hold a full bladder for an extended amount of time made the experience so much better! I was happy that Dr S did our transfer since I did get bfp's with my last 2 transfers. I also felt no discomfort whatsoever.  Little did I know 3 yrs ago that my 3 mins of excruciating cramping with Dr Y's transfers was NOT normal. He went over the PGS results with us and what was interesting to find out was that the "abnormal monosomy 20" was actually graded 5AA. Not 5AB, as I had been previously told by Dr M. I wonder if his eyes crossed over the lines in my results? Or did he not want to admit was it same grade as my 2 miscarried embryos? Dr S said the abnormal embryo was #1 and would have been the next in line to be transferred and added that it was a very wise choice to do the PGS. (I did not say anything about Dr M telling us that PGS was unnecessary with such great looking embryos). Our remaining 2 frosties are 5AB and 5BB. Dr S added "the grade does not matter anyway because they are chromosomally normal".
It has become a ritual for us now to go eat at Pei Wei after a transfer. I had my usual GF spicy shrimp with brown rice. This morning I had an acupuncture session. This afternoon lots of bubbling in my uterus. If embryo sticks, this will be pregnancy #7. The 2 ww until beta begins...



I forgot to mention one thing that was concerning, I woke up in pain 2 days before my transfer, the pinky finger on my left hand swelled and a blue vein was poking out.  I pulled this card from the animal spirit guides cards.  Our honeymoon was in Hawaii so I thought this was interesting.


The book goes on to say "the guidance can come to you in many forms, whether through your eyes, ears, feelings and thoughts. Sometimes your ancestral spirit guides appear in dreams, particularly vivid ones."  I went to acupuncture the day after my transfer since again my transfer was a Monday and they are closed on the weekend so no chance of getting a session in the day before. My acupuncturist said the swollen finger was caused by a blockage and he used extra needles to bleed it out.  It feels much better now.  I wonder though if it was a bad omen warning me not to proceed with my transfer. Dh thinks I am being paranoid.  He is so sure this cycle with work with a PGS normal that he bought a new CRV.  When the car salesman showed us the hidden mirror where you can have a view of a baby or  child in the backseat, Dh smiled at me. Yeah that sealed the deal for him.