Venting

Tomorrow will be 2 years that my sister-in-law Paula passed away. Not one day goes by where I don't think of  her. She had such a positive attitude. Even though she had stage 4 cancer and the doctors said she didn't have much time left. Paula had faith and her faith and God gave her several more years.  I wish I had her positiveness.  Today is one of those days where I feel sad and no matter what I do to keep busy I cannot stop the tears.  I am 9 dpo so I'll just blame it on hormones!  I got a smiley face on CD 12 and ovulated CD 14 which is early for me. Fingers crossed!

When Eric and I go out I sometimes let my mind wander and think of our 3 babies in heaven. I can imagine them there with us. The first one we lost would have been 3 years old next month :( The second, a boy would have been born next month. I should still be pregnant with a baby girl due January 26th 2014. I know I need to stop thinking negatively, but some days it is easier said then done...

I finished the baby crochet blanket I started during my last pregnancy in May.  I am not giving up hope.  My Mother in law said that Eric and I should just enjoy life together and not think about getting pregnant anymore. I asked her if she had the same opinion as my Mom. She said yes. She feels that since I miscarried 3 times that it will happen again.  Knowing this I know that when I get pregnant again we have to keep it a secret...