Monday, January 5, 2015

New Year reminders

5 years ago, January 26th, my first ever positive hpt.  So naive I was then. A year ago, January 26th would have also been  the due date of our "firefly" that we lost to trisomy 16. A friend who has also lost angel babies said to me that the calender becomes like a minefield with painful reminders of due dates and m/c. So very true.

My ivf nurse will not let me move forward and let me take birth control pills until she has "proof" my beta is zero even though I told her my period came right on time!! Ugh! Well the last one before we left for holiday was 88 so off I went for another beta. I got the results this morning- less than 2. Dh said maybe I should not have been so honest and not told my nurse I had a miscarriage. It is not like they follow me or prescribe anything when I have spontaneous pregnancies anyway. I am on my own! So if the OB is fine with my follow-up and had no problem prescribing me birth control pills then...ppfttt!. Yet another delay. My FET won't be till March now.*sigh* I will be 44 in July. Time is ticking a**holes!  Rant over.


  1. I think one of the things that bothered me the most was time and my age. I remember the Christmas after my 2nd miscarriage. I was at an annual Christmas brunch celebration (well more like drinking and not celebrating) and in walks a friend of the family hosting the brunch with a 3 month old baby and everyone is telling me I have to go talk to the mom b/c she just adopted the baby and spent years doing IVF etc...It was like "Look two infertiles in the room...They MUST talk!!" So I do go over and talk to her. She tells me her story. I tell her mine and how I just miscarried and yes we bond. We are like old war buddies and then she mentions that she's 46! 46 with a 3 month old. All I kept thinking was: "God don't let me be 46 when it happens!! I don't want to be that old!" Well guess what...I'm 46. I technically became a mom at 45 but hey really is there any difference. I am 46 with a 18 month old and I LOVE every second of it! Don't waste time fretting over time...your little one is coming! I don't know how...I just know "she's" on her way! (it could be he's on his way!)

  2. I have followed your journey and I am so happy you have your little girl.Thank-you for your encouraging words. I will try to stay positive.